Love Buffet of Love by Divinity Deveaux

Fred had picked up Madge at the bar down the street from his apartment. She had really big boobs and wasn’t a prostitute. Fred was glad of this because he didn’t make a lot of money. “Yay!” Fred thought in his head. “I get to have sex tonight for free! .””

Madge was lying seducively on the bed, her lips were as red as cherries, probably because of her lipstick. Fred’s manhood was throbbing and engorged to the size of a gherkin. Fred liked to think of his manrod as a being like a gigantic cucumber, but Fred was delusional.

Fred flopped on top of Madge and grabbed her big boobs. He thought of them like melons but they were the size of coconuts but he didn't want to think of them as coconuts because coconuts had a lot of that brown stringy stuff all over them and weren't very sexy. Her nipples were like strawberries only not as big and they didn't have those seeds on the outside. And now Fred was feeling a little hungry.

 When Madge saw Fred's gherkin she thought about leaving but figured what the hell, maybe Fred had mad skillz and/or toys. Sadly, Fred had neither. Fred squeezed Madge's melon, then licked her strawberries for a second, then stuck his gherkin into her kumquat of love.

"Oh. Your so big." Madge said her breath whispered into Fred's ear with the fragrant fragrance of garlic and beer. Fred began pumping harder into Madge's sexy kiwi and broke into a sweat. A sweat that was as wet as orange juice and almost as sticky. "Oh. Yes. Oh." said Madge. Fred was encouraged by Madge's words and pumped harder. His face became red like a tomatoe. Fortunately he came like really hard and stuff before having a heart attack. Madge was relieved he didn't have a heart attack. He just almost did. That sentence before wasn't very clear about the heart attack thing.

Then Madge went home and ate some popcorn and watched "The Family Guy."